…a few weeks ago, I shared a personal reflection on how my family processed the facts and reality of living with our aging parents. Our loss of parents were separated by 33 years, losing daddy in 1989 and then mama in 2022. We clearly did not have any idea of what was ahead for mama and/or us as her children – all we could have hoped for was that they had their “affairs” in order.
Over these 33 years, we became very informed from mama about how many “talks” about how the other one would go on with living without the other partner of life. Daddy demonstrated responsible business practices for the survival of the business he birthed in 1960. He also demonstrated similar vision for how mama would be able to live without him. Some of these decisions were heightened along due to his illness that led to his death. We were so grateful and thankful for the many details they set in motion for when “that day” would come for one or the other.
For daddy to leave this world at age 65 and mama here until almost 95, there were lots of dynamics of living that have changed over these 30 years – medically, physically, emotionally, financially, logistically, etc. As we were fortunate to have “another” birthday with mama, we never felt we could discount how many years she might still have ahead because her paternal grandmother lived to be 106 years!
About 12 years ago, my husband and I were fortunate to have met an “eldercare” attorney after his presentation. We became intrigued with a variety of insights he offered that could enhance an aging adult’s resources; for example, Medicare, Medicaid, timing of SS disbursement, VA benefits, Wills, etc. If you have not taken the time to seek the guidance of an eldercare attorney and financial planner, you might appreciate similar insights they have to offer for your particular circumstances. To have had the opportunity to have mama sit with us in the attorney’s office was certainly worth our time and all of us hear “her wishes” was most special. Everything that was tweaked and set in motion has kept these “twilight” years on track with minimal adjustments and certainly made the end of life processes very simple.
Getting and keeping life in order ranges from updating wills, medical directives, power of attorneys – durable and medical; bank accounts and investments, insurance beneficiaries, etc. These documents are not a “one and done”, regular reviews are important – laws change, finances/investments ride the roller coaster, etc. And, whereas, much of this pertains to the “end of life”, none of us are immune from having a “life altering event” which could have a significant impact on living for ourselves and/or how to manage short/long term care that someone may need of a loved one.
If I can say that there is a next step in this aging caretaking process, after THE Talk….., securing a consultation over your elderly loved one’s affairs, would be my suggestion/recommendation.
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