After some very difficult weeks at my “day job” and being very consumed in my world, I have come to spend the weekend with my mama to address the various chores and projects she needs assistance on from time to time. This has been our “routine” to come once a month to help her address financial, household, and other logistical needs for the past 5 years. I had not been able to get out of the office yesterday, as early as I had hoped; but, I knew, no matter how late it was, I could not call and cancel this weekend…..
As Paul and I arrived here, close to 7 pm, I could see her sitting in her favorite chair….. As I grabbed some bags out of the car and walked up to the front door, I don’t know when she has looked lovelier – her hair, makeup and how totally together she was. I had called her and told her we were later leaving home and we would be here in time to have dinner, Fish Friday at the local seafood restaurant. She greeted us with the sweetest smile and the greeting – “I am so glad to have company”! My eyes filled with tears as I know how fortunate I am to have her and cannot think of a more precious “welcome home”!
I “attempt” to call her numerous times during the week; and have to admit, it is often done with more of an attitude of “duty” rather than one of unselfishness. Yes, she repeats some of the same stories, she has physical ailments that she can discuss and repeat her aches and pains, concerns she shares of other family members, what came in the mail – nothing that is earth shattering; but, it is what goes on in her quiet days and weeks in between my phone calls and those of my siblings or her siblings, someone from church or her bridge club. She asks how I am feeling, how is work, my boss, Paul and the girls – she covers things other than the call being about just her.
Today, after we got up and I fixed our breakfast, she caught a nap and then she and I took off on a little outing – Christmas shopping! In spite of having some assistance in the home each week, she doesn’t get out much for a shopping outing because it requires her to be in the wheelchair. Anyway, we grabbed a little lunch on the road and I marveld at her ability to help me navigate to the shopping center and how she remembered past trips with her sisters and her daddy to those areas.
It doesn’t take long of being with her that I get my life back into perspective. She “hangs” on nearly everything I tell her (or that she can hear). She gets so exhausted with our visit – it is so stimulating to have someone to communicate with – whether we talk about current events – the recent flooding recovery, the election, the new leadership, who “died”, etc. Today, someone commented to us, while we did the grocery shopping, that it must be nice to have someone be of help and she replied that it certainly is.
I am reminded, especially today, how important it is to be “of help” to our friends and family who need interaction every day – I am reminded of co-workers who are working and having commuting marriages/parenting situations. I am keenly aware of the elderly and how difficult it is for them to ask for help – they want to manage on their own and have trouble asking for help and often see it as admitting weakness. I am always heightened to the loneliness that sets in for many dear family and friends at holidays and special gatherings when they are “singled out”.
I know you have similar co-workers, friends and family that could use a call, note, email, hug and an offer for a walk after a hard day or grab dinner or coffee or the ever dreaded drop in visit when the house is a mess. I am making a more conscious choice to reach out – it doesn’t take much but the simple gestures can go a very long way to fill emptiness, loneliness and endless days of quiet.
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